Vampires and Goths Battle in South Park Episode 1214, “The Ungroundable”

It was the season finale of South Park. And now it’s over. The whole twelfth season is over. Some of you may recall that this was supposed to be the end of South Park. Fortunately, because there is apparently a God, Trey Parker and Matt Stone signed on for another 3 seasons, meaning that you and I will be enjoying new South Park through the end of 2011 – unless global warming pans out and we have to evacuate earth.

How Vampire Came and Left South Park

Vampires have come to South Park. Any regular watcher wouldn’t be surprised if real Vampires were introduced into the show considering the things we’ve seen before (zombies, Mecha-Streisand, Skuzzlebutt, Gnomes, etc.), but no, these Vampires are douchey, preppy, wanna-be dark kids who like to pretend that they are vampires. These straight-A Banana Republic wearing twerps really piss off the real goth kids, though, especially when the latter are mistaken for Vampires.

Butters, tired of being ignored by his friends and grounded by his parents, decides that instead of simply watching the vampires, he is going to join them. They dress him up like them by taking him to Hot Topic. Unfortunately, Butters doesn’t quite realize that he’s not a vampire and takes the whole thing very seriously, telling his parents he’s ungroundable, hissing at people, and trying to suck Cartman’s blood.

In the meantime, the goth kids, in an attempt to end this vampire nonsense, have kidnapped the head vampire, a popular kid whose conformist friends have all followed him to this world of dark clothes, histrionic speech and tomato juice guzzling. When that doesn’t work, Butters, no longer wishing to remain a vampire, suggests that the goth kids destroy the vampires’ lair – the place where kids are becoming vampires. He takes them to Hot Topic, which used to be a Banana Republic, and the goth kids literally proceed to burn the place down. No compunction. No wondering about what the others meant when one said, “You know what we have to do.” They knew what needed doing and they just burnt that place down.

Why This Episode Rocked

I thought this was a great episode for a lot of reasons. First, I’m reading a book called You Suck by Christopher Moore which is all about “real” vampires. More topically, there is a character in the book JUST like the Vampires in South Park – not real. Just some dramatic girl who’s upset with life and wants to become a vampire, blah blah blah. Moore mocks the same thing that this episode is mocking.

We’ve learned in other episodes – like Raisins, for instance – why the goth kids are ridiculous: they wallow in sadness and refuse to enjoy life. This episode, though it doesn’t paint the opposite picture, brings us to the worse end of that spectrum: idiotic kids who think that it’s cool to be dark and whose emotions aren’t even in it. These are vampires. More importantly, this is an actual and growing problem among America’s youth, and though I’d never heard of Hot Topic before this episode, I’m now inclined to believe that it’s involved in the making (or at least perpetuating) these stupid fads. Somebody chime in here if you know something about this.

In any case, at the end of the episode, once they’ve destroyed Hot Topic and ended the vampire craze, the goth kids ask for an assembly to clarify who they are and the differences between them and vampires. I wasn’t fast enough to get it down but it beautifully summarizes the episode’s message and here’s the gist of it: If you hate life, truly hate the sun and take what little solace life offers by drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, then you are goth. Vampires think that dressing in black is cool and wouldn’t do anything that’s bad for their health. More importantly, if you do stupid things like wear fake vampire teeth, pretend to drink fake blood, and talk like a moron, then you are retarded, the goth kids explain. The main goth kid then looks right into the camera (theoretically at the other children) and says, Fuck all of you, as he flips them off.

Summary

The goth kids in this episode were awesome, always standing by the attitude of not giving a shit just like they said. They smoked, drank coffee, stole their parents’ cars, kidnapped another kid and immediately burned down a store in the mall. No one bitched, thought about it or pussied out. They just did it because that’s their don’t give a shit attitude. Are all goth people like this? Of course not! But South Park is showing respect to those people who claim to be something and then back up their attitude and convictions rather than being douchey, retarded hypocrites like kids who pretend to be vampires.

Great frickin’ episode and a cool ending to an awesome season – right on point and theme with another episode about cultural issues.

What did you think of the season finale? Leave comments below or rate it here:

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“The Biggest Douche in the Universe” Knocks John Edwards and Being a Phony

I really love this episode, primarily for its central message. A friend of mine once argued with me that this episode didn’t have very much to do with religion. Believing that it did, however, I was relentless about the connection between John Edwards and cult leadership.

Why? Because John Edwards acts like a charismatic cult leader. He fakes knowledge about unknowable truths, goes to great lengths to convince others of his powers and then tries to take money from them by selling them on his lies. Of course, many charismatic cult leaders do not know that they are telling lies and thoroughly believe what they are saying, but for Edwards, this isn’t the case. What’s more, Stan knows it and resolves to stop the biggest douche in the universe from destroying Kyle’s life and messing with others’.

Stan explains that by lying about things that no one can know – life’s ‘big’ questions – Edwards is literally slowing down the progress of humanity. His conversations with Edwards are delightful and poignant. Telling lies, even if it’s to give people hope, literally slows down the progress of humanity – and especially if it’s to make a quick buck – is despicable behavior. John Edwards is the biggest douche in the universe, as any trip to his real website will verify.

To read interviews with ex-cult members whose leaders were not charismatics but who truly did believe what they were saying, click HERE for Grace Lyerly and HERE for Tifany.

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