My apologies if the title of this post is not becoming to your sense of propriety, but allow it to be my largest and most thorough warning about the importance of not seeing this movie. Holy crap, Shyamalan – were you even trying?
Sign one that there are problems: the movie is only 91 minutes long. Don’t get me wrong. I respect short films and not putting unnecessary stuffing and crap into a movie, but this was ridiculous. It was like it should have been 120 minutes and they took out the 30 minutes that actually made it a movie. Instead, I had 90 minutes of Mark Wahlberg in fields. Yee-f-ing-haw. For serious – why was this film made? Who greenlit this? Who in Hollywood said, yeah, that’s a good idea?
I am very movie tolerant. I only want to be entertained, and as a previous posting will indicate, I had very low expectations for this movie. That means it shouldn’t have been too hard to impress me. Talking with my friends afterwards, though, taught me something: M. Night Shyamalan films are hit and miss person to person. Some people like them and some people hate them. Not collectively, mind you, but on an individual basis. For instance, I liked The Village, a friend hated it and a third was fine with it. I hated Signs, a friend liked it and another loved it. Hit and miss person to person. But one thing is for sure: we all hated this. So did the guy three rows back who said, “That sucked,” the moment the credits started rolling.
Was it about scary wind? Was it a poor attempt at a global warming warning? Was it about love? Who knows? Maybe it wasn’t about anything. It had a few opportunities to get cool and scary at the end but Shyamalan decided to take a dump on those opportunities as though they were harlots with herpes trying to steal his 25 Euro. Nothing was happening in The Happening, read another review, and I echo that sentiment. Such a disappointment.
I award this movie 1.5 Chocolate Salty Balls because Zooey Deschanel had a nice rack. Unfortunately, her acting and Wahlberg’s totally sucked, but I hold Shyamalan accountable for that. Bad directing. Never mind – I’m taking back that half.
1 Chocolate Salty Ball.
What did you think? Feel free to disagree? What are your thoughts on Shyamalan and his other movies? Do you want to read about something truly scary? This crap movie was supposed to be frightening but if you check out the post with ex-cult member, Grace Lyerly, she can share experiences with you that are truly terrifying in real life.
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If you have no self respect and you want a copy of this movie – or maybe you just want it to burn – then enjoy your copy of The Happening.