Shyamalan’s The Happening Sucks Donkey Balls

My apologies if the title of this post is not becoming to your sense of propriety, but allow it to be my largest and most thorough warning about the importance of not seeing this movie. Holy crap, Shyamalan – were you even trying?

Sign one that there are problems: the movie is only 91 minutes long. Don’t get me wrong. I respect short films and not putting unnecessary stuffing and crap into a movie, but this was ridiculous. It was like it should have been 120 minutes and they took out the 30 minutes that actually made it a movie. Instead, I had 90 minutes of Mark Wahlberg in fields. Yee-f-ing-haw. For serious – why was this film made? Who greenlit this? Who in Hollywood said, yeah, that’s a good idea?

I am very movie tolerant. I only want to be entertained, and as a previous posting will indicate, I had very low expectations for this movie. That means it shouldn’t have been too hard to impress me. Talking with my friends afterwards, though, taught me something: M. Night Shyamalan films are hit and miss person to person. Some people like them and some people hate them. Not collectively, mind you, but on an individual basis. For instance, I liked The Village, a friend hated it and a third was fine with it. I hated Signs, a friend liked it and another loved it. Hit and miss person to person. But one thing is for sure: we all hated this. So did the guy three rows back who said, “That sucked,” the moment the credits started rolling.

Was it about scary wind? Was it a poor attempt at a global warming warning? Was it about love? Who knows? Maybe it wasn’t about anything. It had a few opportunities to get cool and scary at the end but Shyamalan decided to take a dump on those opportunities as though they were harlots with herpes trying to steal his 25 Euro. Nothing was happening in The Happening, read another review, and I echo that sentiment. Such a disappointment.

I award this movie 1.5 Chocolate Salty Balls because Zooey Deschanel had a nice rack. Unfortunately, her acting and Wahlberg’s totally sucked, but I hold Shyamalan accountable for that. Bad directing. Never mind – I’m taking back that half.

1 Chocolate Salty Ball.

What did you think? Feel free to disagree? What are your thoughts on Shyamalan and his other movies? Do you want to read about something truly scary? This crap movie was supposed to be frightening but if you check out the post with ex-cult member, Grace Lyerly, she can share experiences with you that are truly terrifying in real life.

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If you have no self respect and you want a copy of this movie – or maybe you just want it to burn – then enjoy your copy of The Happening.


24 Responses

  1. Umm. Uh. The Happening…yeah. I, uh…I LIKE Shyamalan usually. Before this movie and Lady in the Water, I would always tell people I LOVED Shyamalan. But it really did seem like he set out to make a rated R flick and that’s it. Stick to PG-13 M. Knight – your subtlety (or lack thereof?..)works better in that context. You’re great at suspense a la Hitchcock – he never had to beat people over the head. Stick with what you’re good at!

  2. This movie was the WORST, even topping Shyamalan’s former nadir The Village. I was so mad that I wasted money on this dog that I made a website solely to dissuade others from seeing it:

  3. Please do not favorably compare M. Night Shyamalan with Alfred Hitchcock (or Rod Serling). He is not in that league by a long shot. Everybody loved The Sixth Sense, but MNS is more analogous to a one-hit wonder musician, until he can repeatedly replicate that success.

  4. I went to see the hulk, and mit I at was a very impressive movie. afterwards me and my girl sneaked into The happening early on it seemed to set it self up to be a very good movie. Honestly after so many people killed themselves it got repetitive. to make a long story short the movie keeps u wondering what’s the point and why, and just when u feel that twists coming, there goes the credits. I was so upset and I aint even pay.

  5. I hate Mark Wahlberg too. Worse leading man ever. I actually wanted him to die, which is not what you want the audience to hope for your protagonist. What, pray tell, is a chocolate salty ball?

  6. madamsjr – hilarious that you saw something else (I review the Hulk elsewhere), snuck in, and then were still pissed off. Just for wasting your time it was annoying.

    sarah – when you said you wanted Wahlberg to die I thought you meant him and not his character. I also wanted his character to die – all of them actually – because I thought that was one of the only ways the movie could have begun to redeem itself.

  7. God this movie was terrible. Everyone else I went with said they liked it. But this movie had a ridiculous plot (killer organized plants that communicate across the Atlantic), the characters had ZERO depth and were in no way likable (who cares what happens to the protagonist much less the lesser characters, it was a cheap “scare” to have nonstop disturbing scenes of people killing themselves in creative fashions, and most of all it had MARK WAHLBERG. The direction was decent, but that’s the extent of the good parts of the movie. I got my $11 back.

  8. really, shyamalan should really try to make his money on America’s got talent. its 100 million dollars. i’m sure he has something to compete with this right.

  9. Nice review. I rolled my eyes so many times during this movie, I gave myself a headache. I nearly walked out three times but told myself to wait for the surprise ending that never came. At the end, I wanted to lie down in front of a mower.

  10. I loathe that I have offended Sam by comparing Shyamalan to Hitchcock…but coincidentally have seen my comment echoed in the Creative Loafing by their resident film and theater expert: (paraphrased from this week’s issue) “at his best, Shyamalan creates suspense equivalent to Hitchcock.” While I respect your one-hit wonder analogy, I disagree. I think Shyamalan is an autuer. He may not be as good as Hitchcock, but we have so little personal vision in art as it is further gobbled up by corporate and financial interests that I hold on tightly to someone who does have a personal vision. If not Shyamalan, then who represents this era?

  11. The Happening is such a joke…….

    Evil plants . ? How retarded

  12. Puh-leeze, Tifany, we can search for plenty of quotes on both sides of the aisle, for example:

    “M. Night Shyamalan’s ‘appreciation’ is shallow and frankly lame and just what I’d expect from the maker of such pitifully inferior thrillers as Signs and The Village. Getting new directors to comment on the older pantheon types is a risky proposition, especially when so few of the new practitioners are fit to as much as talk about the greats. Someone like Brian DePalma at least knows what’s really good about Hitchcock, Shyamalan doesn’t have a clue.”

    To pick up this quote, I ran across one from some poor schmuck who went back and watched The Happening a second time so that he could look at it from another point of view and write all about how brilliant it was. So he’s a fan of MNS, too. Do you want to see it again?

    And Shyamalan as an autuer? Well, maybe, but he won’t be for long unless he either cranks out The Seventh Sense or gets investors who are big fans and have lots of money to waste, like the guy above who went to The Happening a second time.

    You are welcome to disagree with me. We can echo pro and con quotes out the wazoo. And please don’t start with the big corporations crap. Whatever genre, creative, entertaining talent rises; there are enough examples of really good movie makers with personal visions that we could both give.

    Why do I have to find another Hitchcock for this era? Maybe there isn’t one. Why identify the current Lincoln, Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Moses, Jesus or whomever? These people were individuals – maybe one of a kind. What they did was unique for their era. There may be someone who comes along who may be another Hitchcock, but it isn’t MNS.

  13. Movies like these are why i always watch them first on my comp via torrent. I am so sick of Hollywood putting out crap films. Only if i like the film after i download it will i go and buy a movie ticket to get the full experience and to support the artist… I thought the writer strike was over guess not.

    I rate this fill as one flaming bag of dog poo so glad i did spend any money on it.

  14. Well, I can’t help but agree with Sam that comparisons are a dead end street. I guess we just leave it at you only liked Sixth Sense and I liked everything but Lady in the Water and The Happening. Next time, Sam, next time…

  15. hmmmm wonder if M.suck saw “The Signal” pretty plants and trees just a signal; “A mysterious transmission which invades every cell phone, radio and TV, turning people into killers…sounds familiar huh?

  16. i agree with the comment about wanting mark wahlberg’s so called character to die and the entire cast. What a waste of my time and money!! I actually feel offended by watching this garbage!! what an insult, and the preview “trailor” actually looked like it would at least be entertaining, wrong!!!!!! This was beyond bad!!! I wish we could have demanded our money back or at least got a raincheck, but this was the last showing of the evening. I think threre should be a public apology from the writer/director. We also felt like we needed a drink to get this crap out of our mind afterword. Horrible cast, horrible acting, horrible camera, editing sucked ! all GARBAGE!

  17. I think it was gayer then two dudes kissing. It was a miss beyond all belief. So everyone but 1 person get killed by the plants in the park? what made her immune? Why would workers in a building be attacked so high up and away from plants? Why the hell did the train idiots stop the train. kick everyone off and say” we lost contact”?? wtf mate?? um well if you lost contact dont drop us off in the hot zone! keep the train goin till you hit san diego or some where 500 miles from where the “terrorist attacks” had been happening, and if it attacked larger groups first why did it attack the people in the jeep? I dont think plants are smart enough to think ” oh oh that box on wheels has 5 people in it! Pollen attack!!” I think i am more scared of a splinter getting infected then the idea of this movie.

    So it sucked. save your money on something like hello kitty’s island adventure. That has a better plot and far better acting.

  18. […] *Movies: V for Vendetta was good, The Incredible Hulk is not as good as The Hulk, The Happening is spoiled. […]

  19. I have never seen worse acting by anyone than Zooey in this movie. This move was horrible and Zooey should have her acting card revoked. She looked like a complete idiot. I’m still pissed I paid $10 to see it. Boy, did she suck. The whole thing sucked.

  20. I am definitely a fan of Shyamalan,
    but I didn’t like “The Happening,”
    if that helps anyone decide whether or nor to spend your money on it.

    I LOVED Sixth Sense
    I LIKED Unbreakable
    I LOVED The Village
    I LOVED Signs

    I only LIKED The Lady in the Water…but I think it was because it was just very different than what I expected….It was a Fairy Tale…which was OK – but just not what I thought it’d be.

    But The Happening? Yuck.
    My husband and I have either liked or loved EVERY Shyamalan film up til now.

    As another Poster commented, I kept waiting for the great ending…but it never happened.

    Sure…YOU can believe that we’re polluting the planet so much that the plants are eventually going to rebel and get back at us….but don’t expect me to pay money to hear you say it.
    That’s how I felt with this movie: Since your first 5 movies were great, or at least very good…I’ll go see the next one.
    But wait…I just PAID to sit though 90 minutes of listening to your political agenda?
    hmmmm…. Not my idea of entertainment.

    I’m definitely more “green” than most of my friends (ex: When I’m at their houses, I see what they throw away that could clearly go in the recycle bin if they just weren’t too lazy to walk out to the garage to put it in the recycle….my household recycles a lot more than we throw away….) but I’m not so green as to think that the plants will eventually attack us.

  21. I’m pretty sure that even MNS thinks this movie sucked…isn’t this his first movie that he didn’t make his stupid trademark cameo appearance? I can’t be sure cuz to be quite honest I had a hard time paying attention. I WILL NEVER AGAIN WASTE MY TIME ON ONE OF HIS FILMS.

  22. This was a Shyamess. The movie would have bin better if the was no audio it was that bad. Who wrote this thing? To much useless dialog bad acting. Shyamalan needs to go back to the drawing board and use a gun on himself.

  23. The happening might be the worst movie I have ever seen. Shymalan’s movies get worse and worse. Marc Wallberg (i know its spelled wrong but with a preformance as bad as his in this movie, his name has been stripped). I know wallberg has no talent whatsoever but this takes it to another level of futility.

    I was hoping shymalan would bring a much needed talent to hollywood but it seems sixth sense was the exception and not the rule. Apparently Shymalan has run out of juice after having milked sixth sense for all its worth. He is clearly subpar and getting worse each picture.

    At the end of this movie, you will either be mad, upset, disappointed, or all the above. Shymalan is more akin to Milli Vanilli than Alfred Hitchcock.

  24. This has to be a comedy… There’s no way they were serious when making this.
    I have a perfect explanation! They were high. Simple as that.

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