Nicholas Cage Makes One of His Worst Movies Yet with “Bangkok Dangerous”

Holy crap, it was so bad. The acting throughout was pathetic and worthless. The attempts at symbolism were nauseating and over the top, slammed in my face like being kicked in the nuts. The directing was deplorable with scene after scene included surely because the directors (shame on Oxide Pang Chun and Danny Pang) thought it would be cool (the pointless shoot out in the room with the water bottles? WTF!?) – and what was with the stupid lighting choices in the climax. And what a ridiculous attempt at a love story.

Usually my reviews don’t go into these kinds of commentaries, but each of these elements (directing, symbolism, etc.) was so blatantly and obnoxiously noticeable that I couldn’t help but point them out.

In short, it was deplorable. It was reprehensible. It was bad. My dad likes to watch action movies when he walks on his treadmill, and he mentioned to me that he had this one in his queue. This review just reminded me to call him and warn him off of this one. If he tries this he’ll never want to get back on the treadmill again.

2 Chocolate Salty Balls – because no man should have fewer.

Potential Sequels: Peking Putrid, Singapore Stupid, Kuala Lumpur Retarded

If you either don’t believe me and want to see for yourself or love shitty movies, get your own copy of Bangkok Dangerous.

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Matt Damon and I at Universal Studies Hollywood, in Los Angeles

jay-and-matt-damon

“The City of Angels: I didn’t find it to be that exactly.” However, I did go with some friends to Universal Studios Hollywood. To be honest, it pretty much destroyed the magic for me. The moment I saw the behind the scenes stuff, it was done. I can hardly watch a movie anymore without going, “Fake!” or “Seen that scenery!” It’s frustrating because I love the majesty and wonder of movies and the moment you know – not how much – but what specifically is fabricated it makes it that much easier to spot it and no longer be impressed. And where’s the fun in that?

In any case, I saw Matt Damon – or at least a very life-like cardboard cut-out of him – and opted to grab this rare photo opportunity.

I will say that there are some neat rides at Universal Studios, including the Simpsons Ride and some bad-ass Roller Coaster that I forget the name of. I think it was for the Mummy.

Have you been to Universal Studios Hollywood? What did you think?

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Cartman Brings the South to Victory in a Civil War Reenactment in South Park Episode 314, “Red Badge of Gayness”

Being from the South I really enjoy this episode. No, not because I want the re institution of slavery as Cartman bets on and fights for, but because I think it’s funny that these Civil War reenactments exist, and I wonder how many people are extremely bothered by the fact that the North wins. After all, the war culture is very strong in the South and people still consider the Civil War the War of Northern Aggression.

But back to South Park. Cartman wants to win the Civil War for the South and then make Stan and Kyle his slaves in line with a bet they made about whether or not the South won the Civil War. Keeping the troops wasted and thinking they are fighting for something seems to be the trick for Cartman’s success as he marches across the United States, conquering more and more territory until he finally arrives in Washington.

There, Bill Clinton is about to sign something that declares that the South has risen and won the Civil War (Cartman is blackmailing him with info about an affair with Marissa Tome), but Stan and Kyle take his army away by removing the constant supply of booze.

What did you think? What was your favorite part?

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Quran Read-A-Long: The Cow 211-216 Speaks of Familiar Things and a Single Community

When verse 213 says that “men belonged to a single community,” is it saying that at one point we were all the same and only later separated or is it just referring to a single community? I’m not clear because of what follows it: God sent them messengers and the Book. If Book is a reference to originally sending the Bible, then it wasn’t to everyone, it was to the Israelites. Similarly, if Book refers to the Quran then there wasn’t one community at the time. So what is this reference to a single community? Is it a state of nature kind of thing?

I also find verse 216 particularly interesting. Bad things (e.g. fighting) is good for us and things that please us aren’t good for us. Only God knows. I find this particularly interesting because people often insist that certain things are or aren’t good for us – marijuana, sex, skiing, television, fat, etc. – and though we seek to find out and solve these riddles, many of our actual conclusions come down to moral or cultural judgments. E.g. Fat is ugly and bad (it’s not); marijuana is bad for you and should be illegal (worse things are legal); sex is wrong before marriage (for much of human history the convention didn’t exist – was the procreation wrong?), etc. Only God knows what’s really good and bad for us, so why do we keep trying to push our views on others?

Thanks for being a part of Quran Read-A-Long and leaving your thoughts with us, answering some of my questions and elaborating on other parts of these verses that I missed.

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The Cow 211-216

211. Ask the children of Israel how many a clear sign We had given them. But if one changes the favor of God after having received it, then remember, God is severe in revenge. 212. Enamored are the unbelievers in the life of this world, and scoff at the faithful. But those who keep from evil and follow the straight path will have a higher place than they on the Day of Reckoning; for God gives in measure without number whomsoever He will. 213. Men belonged to a single community, and God sent them messengers to give them happy tidings and warnings, and sent the Book with them containing the truth to judge between them in matters of dispute; but only those who received it differed after receiving clear proofs, on account of waywardness (and jealousies) among them. Then God by His dispensation showed those who believed the way to the truth about which they were differing; for God shows whom He please the path that is straight. 214. Do you think you will find your way to Paradise even though you have not known what the others before you have gone through? They had suffered affliction and loss, and were shaken and tossed about so that even the Apostle had to cry out with his followers: “When will the help of God arrive?” Remember, the help of God is ever at hand. 215. They ask you of what they should give in charity. Tell them: “What you can spare of your wealth as should benefit the parents, the relatives, the orphans, the needy, the wayfarers, for God is not unaware of the good deeds that you do.” 216. Enjoined on you is fighting, and this you abhor. You may dislike a thing yet it may be good for you; or a thing may haply please you but may be bad for you. Only God has knowledge, and you do not know.

Jimmy Puts His Boner in a Hooker to Save His Comedy Act in South Park Episode 907, “Erection Day”

The South Park Elementary Talent Show is on the horizon and in classic Jimmy fashion, Jimmy plans on performing some of his hilarious stand-up comedy. However, he’s begun getting erections at the most inopportune times and has no idea how to curb his trouser-snake’s enthusiasm. In short, he’s terrified of popping wood while doing stand-up in front of the whole school.

Jimmy tries all he can think or and asks advice from his friends, including Butters, who tells him that he has to stick his penis in a girl’s vagina until warm milk comes out in order to get rid of his boner. Brilliant advice!

Jimmy begins by asking girls on dates, taking them to Italian restaurants and then asking them if he can, in effect, stick it in. Eventually he tries a hooker, and when he treats her nice, taking her out because he doesn’t recognize the difference between a hooker and a date, he ends up battling her former pimp for her loyalty. It’s quite a situation.

By the end, does Jimmy get rid of his boner in order to perform his stand-up comedy? I guess you’ll have to watch to find out.

What did you think? What was your favorite part?

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Indians (Native Americans, Please!) Want to Destroy South Park with a Casino Super-Highway in Episode 707, “Red Man’s Greed”

What could be better in a South Park episode than Indians (Stan, that’s racist – Native Americans, please) being greedy and seizing the land of the poor, local white people. The Indians even have a method of trading the white people something for nothing (money for gambling) and try to give them diseases (blankets covered in SARS). It’s really quite a concept.

But when South Park seems lost due to the plans of the Indians Super highway and the fact that the townsfolk can’t raise enough money to buy their homes back, hope is found in Stan. He goes on a spirit quest in search of the medicine of the white man – chicken noodle soup and sprite – and upon nursing his people back to health, and then the son of the Indian Chief when he accidentally gets SARS, South Park is saved.

Right before the parents put all the town’s money on one number fo the roulette wheel, they say, “It’s in God’s hands now.” Right.

What did you think? What was your favorite part?

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Silly Motivational Posters about Beef, Captain Kirk, Clown Trains and Nemo

Here are some good ones:

Which was your favorite?

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