Cartman Leads a Somalian Pirate Crew in the South Park Season 13 Midway Finale (1307), “Fatbeard”

Cartman bursts into the cafeteria with exciting news: piracy is back! He tells the other boys that freedom from their lives of oppression awaits on the high seas around Somalia, where they’ll find lagoons and waterfalls and booty.

Kyle insists that this is a very good idea, hoping that Cartman will go to Mogadishu, but says that, as a Jew, he can’t be a pirate. Cartman is glad that Kyle is finally coming to terms with his disability.

Butters, Clyde, Ike and Craig all join Cartman as pirates and after purchasing tickets to Somalia on Cartman’s mom’s credit card, they go to Mogadishu. The pirates they find, however, decide to take them captive and hold them for ransom – but of course the boys think they’re all just being pirates together since the Somali pirates don’t speak English.

Kyle is excited that Cartman has left South Park until his parents inform him that Ike has gone with Cartman and company. In Ike’s note, he reveals that he’s grown weary of the monotony of middle class life and if one more person mentions Susan Boyle then he’s going to vomit his brains through his nose. Kyle has to go to Somalia and get Ike.

Back in Somalia, the boys are traded to a French ship for a ransom but then they take over the French yacht themselves and kick off the French crew. Now deserving a little respect, Cartman, back at the pirates’ layer, tries to make everyone into what he considers legitimate pirates. With increased organization and better pirating going on the UN grows concerned, especially once it learns that a white boy (Kyle) has been taken captive and is being held for ransom.

Ultimately, the episode’s lesson comes when one of the pirates takes a moment to talk to Butters and Ike. He says that he can’t understand how anyone would want to be a pirate. That being a pirate is scary and terrible and something that you only do out of necessity. Butters and Ike realize that despite coming from a life of rules and order they have things pretty good in America and they shouldn’t be bitching about their standard middle class lives.

I take that to mean that making something interesting of yourself and making the most of your life is one thing but to bitch about the dreariness of life here is to take for granted how good we have it – especially when compared to the god-forsaken dumping ground that is Somalia.

Have you ever been to Somalia? Have you ever been confronted by pirates? Did you ever want to be a pirate? What happened to your dreams?

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