Stan Takes over “Whale Wars” and Battles the Japanese in South Park Episode 1311

The Japanese Are Killing Whales!

Where the idea to deal with the issue of whaling came from I’m not sure at all. But hey, it’s South Park. I guess it was the opportunity to paint Captain Paul Watson as a total worthless piece of shit. By the looks of things, he is, but hey, 19 times out of 20 I believe South Park so maybe I’m not the best judge (though I’ve got a feeling…).

So the episode begins with the Japanese massacring whales and dolphins at aquariums all over America, including, I have to mention, the incredible aquarium in my home town, the Georgia Aquarium. And the Japanese killed the Baluga Whales. NOOO! The Japanese hate dolphins so much that they even kill the Miami Dolphins!

Somebody tweeted, “no wildcat offense – damn you Japanese!” That was pretty funny.

What Stan Wants to Do About It

Incensed at the violence against whales, Stan tries to encourage his friends to do something. They’re all playing Rock Band (or Guitar Hero – I can’t tell the difference), and Cartman is singing Poker Face by Lady Gaga. Cartman’s response to Stan’s request is, “I’m not too busy. I just don’t give a shit – AT ALL.”

In order to save the whales from the Japanese, Stan joins the show Whale Wars, a show led by Captain Paul Watson, who South Park makes clear is an enormous and worthless, lying piece of shit. I love it when Matt and Trey go off on somebody through the show and just rip them a new asshole. This episode did an amazing job of that, even showing a real picture of Captain Paul Watson in the process (and a second one with “turd” spraypainted across his face).

Totally annoyed that Paul Watson is a liar with horrible ideas about how to prevent whaling, Stan takes matters into his own hands and blows up the Japanese whaling ship. After the very bloody death of Paul Watson (this episode has an unusually high amount of gratuitous violence, even for South Park), Stan takes over as Captain of Whale Wars, and as his efforts prove increasingly successful and his fame grows, magazines announce many hilarious things, including telling us that Stan “turns vegan pussies into actual pirates.”

On Larry King, Stan realizes that everybody is conflating his success with Whale Wars as being about the show’s rating and not saving the whales. As people say that it’s wrong to skirt the usual process of making a show (i.e. you can’t be a renegade and do things your own way but have to go through producers and scripting and directing, etc.), Stan just goes away to save the whales. I think that was South Park‘s dig at the protective nature of the television industry.

What the Whaling is Really About

After Cartman and Kenny join Stan’s Whale Wars in order to be on his now successful television show, the Japanese start Kamikaze bombing the whales and Stan’s boat. With the Japanese victorious, the boys end up in Japanese prison. Cartman starts playing a harmonica in the fashion of black slave songs and singing about his Japanese-imprisoned balls.

The Japanese president visits the three boys and takes them to Hiroshima and to the museum there. He explains that the Japanese have never recovered from the bombing of Hiroshima. The president then goes on to explain that it was a dolphin and a whale who bombed the Japanese in World War II, something they know because the Americans graciously gave them a picture of the plane that dropped the bomb – it was flown by a whale and a dolphin.

In order to deflect responsibility from the whale and dolphin, Stan provides the Japanese with a new picture that shows a cow and a chicken bombing Japan. As a result, the Japanese then begin viciously murdering cows and chickens.
Stan’s dad says, Good. Now they’re just like us.

Awesome.

Why This is Awesome

The Japanese don’t go whaling to be evil and murder dolphins and whales. They do it because they like to eat them – and they always have. We prefer cows and chickens and treat these animals horribly in order to eat what we like to eat. Though we’re not murdering them in the wild, we’re providing them with excruciating living conditions and a miserable existence.

Why? Because we like to eat them.

The Japanese kills whales in order to eat them, yet we consider whales a special and more sentient creature and get offended at the very idea. It’s our misplaced sense of cultural superiority that tells us that killing the animals we’ve decided to kill and eat is more acceptable than those that another culture prefers.

Some people are so caught up with the idea that we should “save the whales” and that whaling is evil (encapsulated by the show Whale Wars and its captain, Paul Watson), that we rarely stop to be introspective about our own animal-related decisions (and for the record I’m not a vegetarian nor a member of PETA or some other related fanatic). I just think that our sense of priorities can be misplaced. This doesn’t mean I think we should go whaling. I think that we should seek to treat all animals that we choose to eat in an ethical way and make sure that whatever we do to them is sustainable.

Best Episode of the Season

So far, I think this was the best episode of the season (by that I mean this half of the 13th season). It was outrageous, nailed a number of issues, some of which I’d never thoroughly considered (i.e. it made me think), and it brought things to my attention (like Whale Wars) that are totally stupid. At that, it was really funny and quite consistently so, unlike some other episodes whose jokes are farther between due to the need to move the plot and deal with a serious issue.

Get a FREE Bonus Chapter from The Zen of South Park. Check out reviews of other episodes this season.

Zen Talk: Removing the Concept of the Absolute

“Natural and super-natural, temporal and eternal – continuums, not absolutes.”
– Albert Schweitzer (paraphrased)

My mind found this quote incredibly jarring. It seems to me that Albert has picked things that are quite opposite and quite distinct from one another. There does not seem to be, in my mind at least, but I’d venture in the minds of others either, anything in between these extremes.

Yet it is the very notion of extremes which these words attempt to shatter.

Rather than be extremes with nothing in between, we are being told that these notions have vast continuum of possibilities between them. Though I cannot imagine what particulars those might be I do find it to be a mental exercise even to attempt to imagine such a continuum. It’s literally the creation of space and ideas within my mental schema. And it’s those mental schema that Zen wants me to break in order to understand what else the universe has to offer.

Hmm, quite an exercise.

Can you help us better understand the middle ground between the so-called absolutes? What other absolutes are not really so but have a continuum? All of them? Specifics please!

Enjoy more Zen Talk.


More of Me to Love, my new Health at Every Size Wellness Community, is Live

This blog is all about religion and South Park – either together or individually. However, I would like to make you aware of my newest project, called More of Me to Love. More of Me to Love is a health community for people of all sizes, but particularly for larger people. I’d like to invite you to take a look and check it out.

As More of Me to Love’s homepage says:

More of Me to Love helps people achieve healthier and happier lives by successfully instilling simple and effective nutrition and fitness habits – and for free! In short, members learn to feel good and be healthy.

More of Me to Love is NOT a diet or a weight loss program.

Studies show that people can be healthy at any size if they think positively, eat nutritiously and live actively. Our community of experts and members provides the support, information and encouragement necessary to realize that having more of you to love is just one of the great things about you.

Check it out HERE.

Michael Jackson Comes to South Park in Episode 807, “Mr. Jefferson”

When Michael Jackson and his son come to South Park disguised as Mr. Jefferson and company, the local children are amazed at all the wonderful toys in his house and his generosity in regards to sharing them. Stan and Kyle, however, grow concerned at Mr. Jefferson’s neglect of his son, Blanket, in order to play with other children.

In the meantime, local cops realize that a rich black man has moved to town and, like all cops when they see that rich black men live near them, they try to frame him for a series of heinous crimes. Unfortunately, they see Mr. Jefferson (i.e. MJ) come home and are startled that he is white! What to do?

One cool thing in this episode is that we see Kenny without his jacket on but don’t know for sure that it’s him until he is killed by Mr. Jefferson during some rough play time. Though Kenny is no longer getting killed regularly on South Park by the eighth season, Parker and Stone are always willing to kill him when it adds something different like this. A weird Mr. Jefferson and the boys in bed scene also appears as well as a variety of scenes in which MJ’s face is falling off.

In the end Kyle and Stan tell us that it doesn’t matter what Michael Jackson may or may not have done (in regards to the framing) but what is important is that he grow up and stop acting like a child because he has one that needs taking care of. It is time, we learn, for Michael Jackson to act like an adult.

What did you think of this episode?

To read about other South Park episodes, click HERE. Want to buy the 11th season of South Park on DVD? Click HERE.

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Token’s Invitation to Richers Upsets the South Park Status Quo in Episode 512, “Here Comes the Neighborhood”

Token can’t handle it when the other boys make fun of him for being rich. In order to feel more included he puts an ad out trying to attract other rich people to South Park – and it works! First Will Smith moves his family out, then Snoop comes to South Park and then all sorts of other rich black people make their way to South Park as well. Unable to cope with the fluctuating property prices and new upper class, Mr. Garrison and the other men of South Park make a concerted effort to get rid of the Richers, first by burning a lower-case “t” in their yards for “time to leave” and then by dressing up in white sheets like ghosts – because Richers hate ghosts. Picking up on anything?

It’s a pretty funny episode and a nice look at certain ‘reversal of fortune’-class issues that South Park likes to tackle. As an additional example think of the episode “Mr. Jefferson” about framing Michael Jackson and other rich black people. Incidentally, “Mr Jefferson” is the next episode of the evening, and this one is actually preceded by “Chef Goes Nanners.” Some wise person has combined these three episodes to create a Wednesday evening theme.

What did you think of this episode?

To read about other South Park episodes, click HERE. Want to buy the 11th season of South Park on DVD? Click HERE.

Need professional editing services at great prices for papers, essays and more? Click HERE for killer deals and Fall Semester Savings!

A Story About Amazing Customer Service at Jamba Juice

The Situation

Usually I don’t shamelessly plug any store on this blog, and more often than I have shameless plugs I have complaints – which I generally don’t offer either for fear that the name-brand will stick in my readers’ minds longer than the complaint itself. All publicity is good publicity, after all. However, today I must share an experience I had with Jamba Juice, the store that sells the tasty, healthy fruit smoothies.

Last weekend I purchased a 16 oz. Chunky Strawberry smoothie at Jamba Juice. It was the picture they had up and it looked delicious and sweet, rather than just healthy (they mix peanut butter in there). When they gave it to me, there was indeed a 16 oz. cup but with only 10-12 oz of smoothie in it. Here’s a picture:

img_0038

Those are bananas on top.

Now, quite frankly, I was a little disappointed because if I’d wanted 12 oz. in a 16 oz. cup I’d have asked for the 12 oz version for $1.50 less and asked for it to be put in a 16 oz. cup. I immediately asked, politely, if there was more of this $5 smoothie to be had, and they somewhat abruptly told me “no.” And that was that. Weird, too, because their policy is that when you choose your own flavors and don’t like it they’ll make you another one, just because their customer service is that good and they want you to be happy.

I was not happy.

Jamba Juice Response

When I got home I wrote a brief letter to Jamba Juice corporate to let them know about my experience and then forgot about it until 72 hours later when I received a reply. Not only was I asked for my address so that I could be sent some coupons for free Jamba Juices, but I was offered a sincere and heartfelt apology and the reassurance that the local branch I had visited would be contacted so no other customer experienced this negative customer service again.

I was truly appreciative, not only for the monetary gesture, but for the reminder of what good customer service is. It may be very easy to do right by your customers but not many companies do. It is very important to Jamba Juice, however, that you have a great experience at their store and always walk away happy.

I was more than satisfied and thought that was the end of it but yesterday morning I received a call from the manager of the local store, who apologized for what had happened and asked me to come in for a face-to-face apology and a smoothie on the house. He reassured me that the issue would be brought up at his staff meeting that night. This was above and beyond anything I required, and though I would be delighted to enjoy a smoothie the next time I make it over to the mall, I hardly need this nice guy to apologize to me again.

Summary

Is it really such a big deal to be ripped off of 4 oz of smoothie (which incidentally comes out to $1.25, or perhaps better put, a fraction of a tank of gas)? No, not really. But I wasn’t satisfied at Jamba Juice because when I asked, I was told I was wrong, and I really wasn’t wrong. There was supposed to be more to that smoothie and they just didn’t want to do it. What’s important is the way corporate handled the situation and for that I am so grateful because it reminds me that despite the economic woes of America right now we still have the most unbeatable customer service this world has ever seen, and as the economy recovers we will still lead the pack in the service industry because that’s what we do: service.

Thank you Jamba Juice.

To read about the latest episode of South Park, click HERE.

Philadelphia Wins the World Series – Oh, Glory Day

I went to school in Philadelphia and am so happy that this city finally won a sports championship. I spent four years with millions of unhappy people, and Philly has waited a long time for this.

Congratulations Philadelphia and Phillies fans!

Topical Tuesday: Anger Strikes an Unpublished Writer, Prompting the Rest of Us to Say, Who Hasn’t Been There?

The following are my thoughts on the post that can be found on Absolute Write’s forum, “Rejection and Dejection,” and that I’ve posted at the end of this entry.
It’s Cold Out Here
The accusation he makes this whiner makes is that the publishing industry is a waste of time, that its agents are morons who don’t understand his genius (though you’ll notice a dozen typos in his few paragraphs) and that no one is concerned with anything but money and pandering to the hot genre’s crowds.
Now, do I understand the sentiments behind his bitching? Sure – who hasn’t had a tough day in the world of writing. It’s a rough industry to break into, has tight and finicky rules, and a lot of weird, accepted behaviors. Agents can ignore their signed clients; personally addressed letters often go unanswered; and numerous publishers can’t even be contacted without an agent. What’s more, most people don’t want to represent you if you haven’t already been published, making breaking into the industry incredibly difficult. But, hey, people do it all the time.
Money, money, money, money – MONEY!
The publishing industry is a business – everything about it. This guy is pissed that people care about money, but publishers and agents spend all their time doing doing their jobs. If they’re not in it for the money, what are they in it for? Should their children starve so that this guy and every other shmoe can have representation?
Look, it may be frustrating that he can’t get published but to think that it’s only about money – or that all the agents are stupid – is a pretty ridiculous accusation. Yes, agents and publishers may like to represent works that are part of hot genres but every agent’s site says his/her interests and they’re definitely out there for every genre. Quite, frankly, if enough agents (say, 50-100) want nothing to do with you and give you no real feedback, it’s probably not a sign that the industry sucks but rather, that you do. Either you’re querying the wrong people or you should take the hint and write something else, write a different way or just don’t write….at least not to be published.
What He Can Do
If you think your work is so great and you want other people to read it so bad and you think that the industry is corrupt, guess what! You have options! That’s right, get some copies of your book printed yourself. No, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re published, but at least you’re not part of a mechanism you hate. Pass them out or sell them on the internet. I’m sure you’ll sell a few. Maybe it will go so well that you can requery agents and get it picked up. Perhaps they needed proof of its potential success. Though they may know their industry (presumably, despite this guy’s accusation), everybody makes mistakes.
And, hey, if you try your hardest with dozens and dozens of letters and every other means at your disposal and still can’t get published or represented by an agent, does that necessarily mean your book sucks and you don’t deserve to be a published author? No, not really, but it does mean that you might want to rethink what you’re doing or writing. Maybe it’s not as good as you think, because if you were the next J.K. Rowling, don’t you think somebody, around rejection 19, would pick you up?
So to this guy: I feel you buddy, but you know what – it’s not the publishing industry. It’s life. You’ve got to learn to keep your head up and push through the good times and the bad. Sometimes a lot of people won’t like the product you’re offering. Welcome to a free market. Life can be filled with rejection and unfairness and be a place where people like money. Go figure. So suck it up, take a breather and try again later. And if that’s the way you really feel then I’m glad you finally think you’re free.
What do you think about these complaints? Do you think I’m being too harsh? To read other Topical Tuesday posts, click HERE. To check out Chandler’s thoughts on this post, click HERE.
This guy’s letter
I’ve had it with this B.S.

This is a stupid industry and I’m tired of wasting my time with it. I’m not going to send any more carefully crafted queries to mind-numbed morons totally incapable of understanding my thoughts. The same brainless poli-sci, english, and lit majors that looked at me blankly in my university days when they’d discover I was studying physics. A vacuous gaze followed by an imbecilic chuckle and a comment along the lines of, “I can’t talk to you.” If only I’d have known those idiots who wouldn’t talk to me then, would be running the industry that somehow sucked me in I could have avoided wasting the last decade.

I guess that jokes on me, and maybe I’d feel different if someone had actually had the balls to read something besides a f-ing query letter. But from the comfort of my home I can just feel their eyes glazing over as soon as they see a word with more than three syllables or an idea that doesn’t involve a cop, a lawyer, or a disgruntled housewife. Those who moan glowingly about their deep understanding of the written word yet don’t seem interested in anything that doesn’t involve vampires, the paranormal, or women’s lib. The world is a big place full of wonder and fantastical ideas and they’ve reduced it to a single cart-full of dung. Aristotle knew what that meant 2500 years ago.

Finito, over and out, tired of trying to bring something beautiful into a world run only by money and people who’s sole expertise begins and ends with counting it. There are better ways to waste my life than a shelf of miscarriages and a head full of impotent ideas.

Free at last!

“An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig,” South Park Episode 105, Teaches about Family Love

Aside from the great sexual lessons, this episode also teaches us a bit about family love.

Multiple times when Stan comes home, his older sister Shelley is watching Jesus and Pals on tv. She also proceeds to beat the crap out of her little brother right away. It seems to me that this is a lesson about not being hypocritical.

Many people claim to follow Jesus and listen to his words. However, they don’t behave in such a way that Jesus would appreciate. They are hypocritical. Jesus preaches love and nonviolence and though Shelley is sitting there watching his show on public access television, she nonetheless beats up her little brother repeatedly. That’s like when the Pope used to sponsor crusades.

What do you think? Is this an exaggeration, an overinterpretation or sheer nonsense?

Did you see this episode? Did you like it?

For today’s Fun with the Bible post, click HERE or to read about “Night of the Living Homeless,” tonight’s other South Park episode, click HERE. Click HERE to read about other South Park episodes.

Need professional editing services at great prices for papers, essays and more? Click HERE for killer deals and Fall Semester Savings!

Funny Definitions to New and Old Words

Thought you might enjoy these as a nice change of pace. In keeping with the spirit of this blog, I’ve bolded the religious ones. Hope you enjoy – make sure to comment about which one is your favorite and let me know if you have anymore.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

12. Karmageddon: It’s when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it’s a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Got any others? Which was your favorite?

To read Zen Talk today, click HERE.