Hilarious Motivational Posters about Challenges, Change, Cluelessness and Compromise

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The Obama and McCain Election was a Front to Steal the Hope Diamond in “About Last Night,” South Park Episode 1212

We Got Jacked

The premise of the entire election, we learn, was that John McCain and Barack Obama are part of the world’s greatest thief syndicate. They both decided to run for president – a plan 10 years in the works – so that one of them had to win. Why president? Because an emergency escape tunnel runs from the Oval Office and under the Smithsonian, where the Hope Diamond – the current object of their thieving affections – is housed.

The rest of the episode goes down like an Ocean’s Eleven movie – and everybody’s in on it. Michelle is a computer whiz. Palin speaks stupidly to reporters about running for vice-president in ’09, but when talking to McCain and the team has a British accent and speaks about complicated, technical jargon (Elektra). They even all fake their own deaths at the end so that no one comes looking for them.

Some Meat and Potatoes

As hilarious as this context is, the actual portrayal of America is where the meat and potatoes of the episode really are. Obama supporters are ecstatic with their candidate’s win and Randy Marsh is ‘jumping the couch’ in his state of excitement. People are partying and wasted in the streets, overturning Barbrady’s cop-car, fighting, drinking, cursing out bosses, and insisting that everything is going to be different from that moment forward. They’re chanting “Yes we can,” and “Change!”

This is the delusion: that everything is going to be different with the simple election of Barack Obama – that we would wake up to CHANGE. There’s nothing wrong with the hope and excitement of this new presidency. It’s just that people seemed to think that it meant something immediate rather than long-term. This episode throws that in America’s face.

And not just on the Obama side either. The McCain supporters look like idiots, too. They build a bunker to start hiding in and fighting people off and insisting that it’s the collapse of society.

One line sums this up excellently. After Ike jumps out the window and is taken to the hospital the nurse asks, “Was he a McCain supporter or an Obama supporter.” The boys have no idea why this is relevant and she says, Because I need to know if he partied too hard or if he tried to kill himself.

Summary

This episode was classic and amazing South Park. Extreme satire and ridiculous situations reflected and distorted America’s experience last night and the feelings across the country. In the meantime it made profound points about what the reality was, as evidenced by McCain supporters going outside and seeing that the world was still standing the next day and Randy waking up hungover, unemployed and with fewer luxury goods (no tv or pants) and realizing that nothing had changed the night Obama was elected president.

Is that to say that nothing has really changed? No, plenty has and last night was a momentous night in American history. However, Obama put it best in his speech. Nothing is over. It’s only just begun. If we want real change we’re going to have to work a lot harder – and together – than anybody did to get Obama elected president.

What did you think of this episode? Did you like the plot? Did you like the points?

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What Are We Really Voting for This Election Season, Asks “Douche and Turd,” episode 808 of South Park

As we arrive at day 72 on our countdown to vote for the next president of the United States of America, we have to ask ourselves, What are we really voting for?

Some will say “CHANGE!” and some will say, “NOT BLACK PEOPLE!” but no matter what they say we’re presented with two choices that are likely to provide us, the American people, with very comparable outcomes. And this is what “Douche and Turd” is saying.

When South Park Elementary has to vote for a new school mascot, the boys think it will be funny to write in two ridiculous things: a giant douche and a turd sandwich. When there’s a run-off between these idiotic candidates, Stan just can’t figure out what the point of voting is and why he would even bother when the choice is going to be stupid, pointless, unable to be differentiated and nothing you’d want between two pieces of bread.

Now, of course, it must be noted that this episode was written and aired before the Bush v. Kerry election, when the two candidates had a lot more in common and America appeared a lot less in trouble. This election, admittedly, looks a little different.

To pose the more obvious observation of how the two candidates are different, one of them is white – much like John Kerry. Similar to John Kerry as well, one of them has actually served in the United States armed forces. But let’s take a quick peak at the bigger picture and remember that the two aren’t actually so different after all.

They are both members of one of America’s two big parties, the Republicans and the Democrats. Though one would like to convince you that the other spends more money or that they’re more “less-hand-in-government” as a political approach to governing, that’s crap. They’ll both spend a crapload of money; they’ll both interfere in your life in a way previously unprecedented in American history, and they’ll both provide us with rhetoric that is full of shit and excuses on a pretty regular basis. And then you can turn to The Daily Show to laugh at either of them as our country and its glory spin down the drain, only to be documented in 45 years when historians can finally be far enough away to recognize some identifiable patterns.

Gloomy, no? Do I really think it’s going to be that bad? I certainly hope not – but I will say that neither candidate has actually outlined in detail or demonstrated the executable-ness of any programs that will solve any of America’s many major problems. Though I hope this isn’t the downward sloping side of the America-on-top mountain (because I think we have a lot to offer the world by way of collective equality before no one is listening to us again), I do think that when historians look back in time and have to assess, neither candidate so far has differentiated himself enough in his actual planned execution (not just policy rhetoric) so as to make him any different from the other or cause this to be the presidency of change. That’s not to say it won’t be, but just that if we went forward with what’s been outlined so far, we wouldn’t see any tangible results because nothing is really being said.

I hope that come election day we’re voting for something other than a giant douche or a turd sandwich.

What do you think? Who will you be voting for? What did you think of this episode? Do you think it’s applicable to every presidential election or just every one before a black man got in there?

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In the News: Immigration and the Changing Face of America

I want to talk about something that doesn’t really concern religion in the news: immigration and the changing face of America.

I recently heard that America’s population is rapidly growing but that 70%+ of that growth is going to be due to immigrants. A lot of people have a problem with this (even those who are not nativists and think that immigrants deserve a chance in this great country), and their gripes often come in the form of, “I don’t want a bunch of Mexicans abusing the system and not contributing to it.” Considering the fact that a growing problem has been illegal Mexicans using emergency rooms as doctors’ offices when they get a little cold, I can understand and appreciate the frustration. Quite frankly, I can’t blame any one of them for trying to come to this country – I would have probably tried too.

However, I’d like to steer this issue, if I may, and talk about the kinds of immigrants America should be letting in.

Our borders don’t feel safer or tighter, and to a point, I think we hardly know who we should be protecting ourselves from. No one believes that shoe and belt removal at the airport is helping anything. Indeed, I lived in Israel for two years, and I have a firm policy when it comes to airline security: if the Israelis don’t do it then it’s an unnecessary procedure. The Israelis do not make you remove shoes or belts.

Anyway, getting visas to this country is incredibly difficult and so is getting citizenship. Sure, that makes it easy for us to turn away every border-hopping Mexican but it also screws us in a totally different way. Brilliant people from all over the world want to come to this country. They want to work here, live here and contribute. And they’re frickin’ smart. These people should not be turned down. If the world is in a race for progress and wealth and success, these people are potential recruits that are getting turned down all the time. Ivy League Schools have huge percentages of international students – really smart ones – and most of those students are not allowed to remain in the U.S. after receiving their superb education. That is so dumb.

We are literally sending away (and often not letting in) smart people who will do a lot more for us as a society than the vast majority of voters. Oh, but they’re not Americans, you say.

Bullshit! Everyone is an American. We’re all the product of immigrants, which makes everyone in the world a potential America and gives them plenty of right to be here if they want to contribute and be a part of this rockin’ system. This country’s citizenship is not based on ethnicity, race, heritage or anything else of the sort. This is opposed to, say, being French. You can’t just become French. You can, however, just become American, and it’s what everyone of our ancestors did when they came to this country. They just became American. Now we have the ability to cherry-pick the world’s brightest people, causing a brain-drain everywhere else, and we turn them away in droves. And the ones that are allowed to stay for 12 or 36 months we make life very hard for on entry and exit and staying.

All I’m saying is that America is squandering an amazing chance to stay ahead, and if you don’t want to look at it like a competition, don’t. America is missing an amazing chance to hire not just this country’s best and brightest but the world’s most intelligent and capable people. Our system favors American Affirmative Action, but I’ll tell you what: never will I abide by quotas and affirmative action hiring. The best and most capable person for the job should get it and everyone else can deal with it. That should be our approach to hiring from the whole world. In this system of globalization it’s never been easier to get the best and to get the best for the right reasons – it’s time for American policies to reflect that ideal and that necessity.

What are your thoughts on the matter? Are you an immigrant or foreign national? Do you have a visa or visa problems? Tell me about your experiences.