Mickey and Disney are Selling Sex to Wholesome Christian Girls Through the Jonas Brothers’ Chastity Rings in the First New Episode of South Park Season 13, “The Ring” (1301)

What a sensational opening to season 13!!! God, I love South Park.

Kenny has a new girlfriend, who is allegedly a slut – a slut totally turned on by the Jonas Brothers. To get a BJ, Kenny take her to the Jonas Brothers (JB is the opposite of BJ) concert, and after the show, just as she’s about to take Kenny into the parking lot and give him what he wants, the Jonas Brothers call her and some other girls from the audience backstage.

The Jonas Brothers then tell them that they want to share their love of Jesus and pitch the idea of purity rings to the girls, convincing them to wear these rings; the rings signify a vow that they won’t engage in sexual activities, listen to swear words or watch naughty television (a dig at South Park). Kenny’s new girlfriend agrees to wear the ring and convinces Kenny to do the same. Unfortunately, chastity rings do nothing but make people boring – and watch Gray’s Anatomy.

Stan, Cartman and Kyle become concerned with how boring Kenny has become and realize that it’s the Jonas Brothers and their chastity ring nonsense that have made their friend so bland. At a public morning talk show where the Jonas Brothers are announcing their huge live, 3D Disney concert spectacular, the boys start yelling about what a sham the rings are. And who stops them? Mickey Mouse(!) who as we’ve already learned, promotes the chastity rings because by talking about how the Jonas Brothers don’t have sex, attention is naturally being drawn to the Jonas Brothers and sex. Thus, millions of good, wholesome, screaming and loving Christian girls are thinking about the Jonas Brothers’ penises simply by virtue of being told that they shouldn’t be thinking about the Jonas Brothers’ penises! This is Disney’s! huge scam to sell sex to little girls – little wholesome, Christian girls.

At the concert spectacular, where Mickey is threatening the boys, believing that they work for Dreamworks and are trying to sabotage him, Mickey begins ranting about how awful the Jonas Brothers are and how he only uses them to sell sex to stupid Christian girls.

The Jonas Brothers say, “a nice Christian symbol can’t be used for profit gains,” and “We’ve angered God.”

Mickey, continuing his rant: “Christians are stupid.”

Unbenownst to him, the microphones has been turned on and the curtain lifted. Everyone hears him and realizes how evil Disney is and how awful it’s machinations are. They boo Mickey, who grows into an angry and large fire-breathing monster – and Disney’s plans are ruined.

This excellent episode, though ostensibly about the Jonas Brothers, is about so much more. It’s about the culture of selling sex to our youth – and Disney isn’t the only guilty party, though this episode excellently exposes its seedy attempts. Cosmo girl is meant to lead young girls right into Cosmo, which holds women to ridiculous beauty standards and offers consistently stupid sexual advice, making women think that the goal of life is to hold onto their men. Selling sex starts younger and younger, and brilliantly, some people have figured out that pretending to sell the opposite makes people think you have honest intentions. However,  emphasizing how you don’t ever do something still makes people think about doing something.

Oh! And Kenny dies! Will he be coming back next episode? I think so. Just because the classic lines are gone doesn’t mean that Kenny can’t die when the story “needs” him to and be resurrected the following episode.

What did you think of this episode? Is this a good start to season 13?

Get a FREE Bonus Chapter from The Zen of South Park.

Read about other South Park episodes.

Advertisements

Eszter’s Birthday and Curbing Writer’s Obsession

In addition to a review of The Happening which is coming later this afternoon, I am going to share something a little different than I usually do today. For you see, yesterday was Eszter’s birthday. Unfortunately, we were not able to spend the entire thing together because she was on a retreat for her job in Miami (Prophet, a consulting firm, brings together everyone in their company from all over the world for 48 hours of learning and fun) and didn’t fly back into Atlanta until 7 p.m. yesterday evening. Since she had a flight out of Atlanta (to Hungary) this morning at 7 a.m., and still had some packing to do, I decided that the best plan was not dinner reservations.

So, I made dinner myself. Eszter’s favorite foods are mango, asparagus, salmon, avocado and corn. Thus, I made Eszter’s Favorite Foods dinner. We had grilled corn on the cob, guacamole, mango-avocado salad, and salmon-asparagus fettuccine. Most of the recipes came from The Joy of Cooking which is available on my website, click here, under Lisa’s Pics. In addition I gave her a pearl bracelet (which matched pearl earrings and necklace I had given her two years ago). For dessert, there were homemade chocolate covered strawberries and a scrapbook that I made with photos of us around the world.

Now, it may sound like this was simple and easy, but let me tell you, I spent the day running around like crazy. I dragged my sister out of bed to help me pick out the bracelet, and the idea for the scrapbook was hers. She helped me grocery shop, assemble the book, and keep me calm. I owe the day’s successes to her. Fortunately, it was a great success and Eszter loved the whole thing (despite her exhaustion and oncoming cold). My stepmom also helped with some of the cooking and gave me good advice about order and technique.

So, it may sound like I did a good boyfriend thing but let me tell you, I walk around obsessed with my book every day and I thought that for putting up with me, Eszter deserved an evening of total attention and everything that she likes. As a writer, and many of my writer-readers understand this, it’s hard to think about anything else and stop being so egocentric. But it’s exceedingly necessary and having someone in your life to ground you and remind you of what’s really important in life is quite valuable. So treat that person, whoever he or she is, right.

Did I do good boyfriend work? What’s the nicest thing your significant other ever did for you? Did it make a difference?