13 Silly Biblical Puns Really are Fun with the Bible

Though we’re always having fun with the Bible on Mondays, we rarely ever enjoy some good old fashioned jokes – Bible style. This week, let’s break from our somewhat serious Bible lessons – even though they’re fun – and chuckle at these goofy biblical puns.
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan: the banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. H e rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan…)

PS. Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says . . . ‘He-brews’

Which was your favorite? Got any good ones? Stick them in the comments!

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Fun with the Bible: The Lesson of the Battle of Jericho and Why the Wall Came Down

Are you familiar with the book of Joshua in the Bible? It’s the first book after the Five Books of Moses, because it’s the book named after the person who led the Israelites after Moses kicked the bucket.

Joshua and the Conquest

Well, traditionally, the story of Joshua, which is to say the book of Joshua, is known as the Conquest of Canaan because it’s the story of the Israelites marching into Canaan, conquering the entire local population and taking all of the land for themselves that God had decided to give them. On multiple occasions the text says explicitly that the Israelites conquered all of the locals. For example, Joshua 11:19 reads, “There was not a town that made peace with the Israelites…all were taken in battle.”

Curiously, however, numerous later discussions of the Israelites in the land, whether from Judges, Samuel, Kings or other books speak of other local Canaanites being in the land, an indication that the book of Joshua did not accurately reflect what happened.

Interesting as well is the fact that half of the book is consumed with the division of the land for the tribes and other such technical details and not actually the conquest of the land. Only a few battle stories occur, all of which have different reasons for existing and which collectively lay down the “way things worked.” I’d like to focus on one: Jericho.

Jericho – Silliness Equals Victory?

God tells Joshua that in order to properly concur the city of Jericho the people needed to do a bunch of things related to parading the ark for seven days around the city, blowing their trumpets at allotted times, etc. and then the wall would fall down and they could go inside and kill everybody.

This, you may say, sounds silly. Run around the city a bunch of times, play some music and CATCHA! – the city walls come crashing down. But do the Israelites do as they were commanded? Yes, they do. And what happens? The wall tumbles down and the Israelites are victorious.

What, then, is the battle of Jericho actually meant to teach us (us being the contemporary reader, whether at the time of the story’s composition or now – or theoretically the Israelites at the time)? That we should do exactly as God says and we will be victorious in battle. Repeat: exactly as He says, no matter how silly sounding or how unlikely a path to victory, and God will take care of the rest for us.

And what about the battle with the Gibeonites, when they deceive the Israelites into swearing peace on God’s name despite the fact that God wanted them dead? Well, we learn here that we must under all conditions respect oaths made in God’s name, even if those defy God’s wishes, because an oath on God’s name is more important. Curious, no? An oath before God’s wishes?

Summary

What lessons do you derive from the book of Joshua? Did you notice how few battle stories there actually were?

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