The Queer Eye Guys Popularize Metrosexualism in Episode 708, “South Park Is Gay”

Ah, the Queer Eye For the Straight Guy craze. I remember that. Yeah, I admit it, too: I enjoyed it. Sure, the novelty wore off pretty quickly, and even though South Park made a good point of not letting an obsession with gay culture make straight men forget that they’re men, the residual effects of a show like this, I think, are positive. There are a crapload of men out there who really need to get it together – cut off that rattail, clean up their homes, learn to practice a little personal hygiene, etc. If a team of flaming queers had to come in and wake them up for the purposes of entertainment, so be it, I say.

In any case, this episode of South Park was about the way becoming a metrosexual took over the town, making all of the men and boys of South Park hyper-concerned about their clothes, hair, fashion and hygiene. Kyle, however, can’t get into this new fad. Metrosexualism just isn’t for him.

Indeed, when he comes home beat up one day because the other boys kicked his ass for being different, Mrs. Broflovski immediately concludes that Kyle was tormented for being Jewish. “No,” he tells her. “For not being a metrosexual.”

When Mr. Garrison learns about this awful fad, he and the women of South Park – initially pleased with their husbands shifting priorities but eventually in desperate need of the men back in their lives – march to the president to demand that he put an end to this horrible metrosexual craze and stop the Queer Eye guys. Unfortunately, the Queer Eye guys have gotten to the president first and are making him over. That’s when we uncover the evil Queer Eye plot.

They’re not really homosexuals but Crab People who live beneath the earth’s surface. By turning the men of the world into sissies, they plan to rise to the surface and take over. Fortunately, Mr. Garrison and the women of South Park kill the Queer Eye Crab People, thereby saving us all.

This episode is pretty hilarious all the way through, but I must say I think that it peeks in hilarity with the Crab People song: “Crab People. Crab People. Taste Like Crab. Look Like People. Crab People. Crab People.”

What did you think about this episode? What was your favorite part?

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Kyle’s Cousin Comes to Town and Mr. Garrison Solves the Airline Problems in South Park Episode 511, “The Entity”

This episode is all about Jewish stereotypes, and rather than portray them in a totally uninteresting way, South Park does a fascinating job of bringing them to the forefront. Kyle’s Cousin, Kyle (who I will call KC) comes from Connecticut to live with Kyle and his family, and he is a walking, talking, breathing Jewish stereotype. He is nerdy looking, obsessed with money and bargains and constantly complains.

Unable to stand the idea that KC is destroying all the hard work he’d done making a good name for Jews in South Park, Kyle does his best to get rid of his cousin. Kyle is terrified of becoming a stereotype himself.

“A self-hating Jew,” Stan exclaims. “You are becoming a stereotype.”

In the meantime, Mr. Garrison, finally fed up with the bullshit of the airlines and hell at the airport, invents a device called the Entity, which travels so fast that it eliminates the need for air travel. Incidentally, the seat goes up your butt and the controller is a shaft held in the mouth. Unfortunately for his brilliant invention the U.S. government refuses to let the airlines go under and shuts Mr. Garrison down.

This episode is a brilliant critique of the government’s protectionism and continually failed policies to help the American people while potentially doing them an enormous disservice and pissing them off. Reminds me of something particularly relevant that’s going on right now…

The end of the episode includes a brilliant message delivered through KC, but you’ll have to watch it to find out what it is.

What did you think of this episode and its current topicality? What was your favorite part?

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Cartman Beefs Up to Be on TV with Kathy Lee Gifford in South Park Episode 102, “Weight Gain 4000”

This episode has a new place in my heart because of my obsession with the Fat Acceptance movement and my newfound research on and knowledge of dieting, obesity and being fat. The long and the short of it is that dieting that cycles people between weights is very unhealthy and actually being fat is not. I’m sure to get a lot of hate for making such a claim, due to our culture’s unnecessary hatred of fat people, and though South Park is all about controversy, this South Park related blog is not here to get into that (if you’re interested, start by reading my review of Health at Every Size).

I just want to mention that this episode starts with Cartman getting to go on tv for winning an essay contest and the mayor telling him to slim down because he’s unacceptably fat. Not cool, Ms. Mayor! Cartman, however, takes her advice (sort of) and tries to beef up and get in shape by drinking a bunch of Weight Gain 4000. BEEFCAKE!

Cathy Lee Gifford is coming to South Park to be on tv with Cartman. She travels in a bulletproof pope-mobile like case that has a sign on it reading “God Bless You” (how obnoxious). Mr. Garrison, whose childhood and life were destroyed by Cathy Lee, tries to assassinate her, but of course this case makes it complicated. In attempting to prove that Cartman’s essay is fraudulent, Wendy discovers Mr. Garrison’s plan and enlists Stan to stop him. It’s very Kennedy assassination-esque.

So, I guess I take issue with some characters’ behavior in this episode, but that’s what South Park is all about – stirring up some feelings to get us a-thinkin’.

What did you think? What was your favorite part?

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Mr. Garrison’s Dad Finally Molests Him As the Boys Make the Country Shit Its Pants in South Park Episode 317, “The Brown Noise”

This is a very silly episode. The entire third grade has to go to Arkansas where Yoko Ono is conducting a recorder concert for a gazillion third graders playing My Country Tis of Thee. Cartman and Kenny happen to be searching for what is called the Brown Noise, a musical note that when played, makes all those listening shit their pants.

When some third graders from New York call the boys uncool and tell them they don’t know what a queef is, the boys decide to change the New Yorker’s music to end with the brown noise so that they shit themselves in front of everyone. When that music is accidentally copied and given to the rest of the children, millions of third graders play the brown noise simultaneously with the entire country watching and no one’s pants are left clean. It is a shitting of epic propotions.

In the meantime, Mr. Garrison has struggled with this trip because his parents are from Arkansas and alas, he is distressed because his father never molested him. By the end of the episode, Mr. Garrison feels much better because his dad agrees to do so, though he actually pays Kenny G to go in there and do it for him.

So, Mr. Garrison trying to get parental molestation and the entire country shitting its pants. Pretty funny South Park if you ask me.

What did you think? What was your favorite part?

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Cartman’s “Trapper Keeper” Will Destroy the Universe in South Park Episode 413

Cartman gets a cool new Dawson’s Creek Trapper Keeper which can merge with any existing technology. When a man calling himself Bill Cosby comes back from the future and claims that the Trapper Keeper eventually takes over the world and that he must destroy it before it’s too late, Cartman thinks Kyle is just jealous and plotting against him.

In the meantime, Mr. Garrison has become the kindergarten teacher and decides to start the class by electing a class president. A tie occurs between Ike Broflovski and another kid and so a run-off ensues, but cannot be decided (remind you of anything?).

Rosie O’Donnell then comes to defend her nephew (Ike’s opponent) and ensure that he is treated fairly. After she behaves like a meddling celebrity, Mr. Garrison screams, “Half the kids in the class didn’t vote for your nephew, so what about them? You don’t give a crap about them because they’re not on your side! People like you preach tolerance and open-mindedness all the time, but when it comes to Middle America, you think we’re all evil and stupid country yokels who need your political enlightenment!! WELL, JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE ON TV DOESN’T MEAN YOU KNOW CRAP ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT!!! NOW GET YOUR ASS BACK ON FIRST CLASS AND RESPECT THIS CLASS’S RIGHT TO MAKE UP THEIR OWN MINDS!!!”

When Cartman’s Trapper Keeper does turn into a massive and scary blob, Kyle goes inside to stop it and is only able to do so because Cartman (who is inside the Trapper Keeper) is weakened after trying to absorb Rosie O’Donnell. Apparently, she’s poisonous.

Do you think that celebrities should interfere in politics as much as they do and voice their opinions so vehemently?

What did you think? What was your favorite part?

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Token’s Invitation to Richers Upsets the South Park Status Quo in Episode 512, “Here Comes the Neighborhood”

Token can’t handle it when the other boys make fun of him for being rich. In order to feel more included he puts an ad out trying to attract other rich people to South Park – and it works! First Will Smith moves his family out, then Snoop comes to South Park and then all sorts of other rich black people make their way to South Park as well. Unable to cope with the fluctuating property prices and new upper class, Mr. Garrison and the other men of South Park make a concerted effort to get rid of the Richers, first by burning a lower-case “t” in their yards for “time to leave” and then by dressing up in white sheets like ghosts – because Richers hate ghosts. Picking up on anything?

It’s a pretty funny episode and a nice look at certain ‘reversal of fortune’-class issues that South Park likes to tackle. As an additional example think of the episode “Mr. Jefferson” about framing Michael Jackson and other rich black people. Incidentally, “Mr Jefferson” is the next episode of the evening, and this one is actually preceded by “Chef Goes Nanners.” Some wise person has combined these three episodes to create a Wednesday evening theme.

What did you think of this episode?

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Cartman Becomes a Beef-cake in “Weight Gain 4000,” South Park Episode 102

Oh, what a silly episode. Cartman, having won an essay contest and allowed to speak when Kathy Lee Gifford comes to town, decides to bulk up by eating weight gain supplement. I once did a horrible science fair experiment in tenth grade using weight gain supplements on mice. It was a total failure and my parents were not down with a basement with with mice whose backs I’d used food coloring on.

In any case, Mr. Garrison, forever despising Kathy Lee for beating him in a talent competition as a child, decides to assasinate her.

God Bless is written on the bullet proof traveling shield used by Kathy Lee. What does it mean for her to say that? Is it totally exploitative of people’s feelings about God? Is it an empty and hollow saying?

What did you think of this episode? Have you ever taken weight gain supplement? Did you become a beefcake.

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South Park’s “Follow That Egg” Legalizes Gay Marriage

When Mrs. Garrison decides that she is ready to forgive Mr. Slave and take him back only to discover that he plans to marry Big Gay Al, she vows to prevent the legalization of gay marriage in Colorado and keep them separated forever.

To do this, she creates an experiment whereby the children in her class have to take care of an egg, and by pairing up two boys, she plans to prove that men are incapable of caring for a child. Then she’ll show the results of her “scientific” study to the governor who will have a reason to prevent the passage of the gay marriage bill without being directly responsible. Brilliant….really brilliant.

At the end of the episode, when Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave are getting married, funny enough, it is Father Maxi – a Catholic priest! – who presides over their marriage. Curious, considering that Catholicism doesn’t tolerate homosexuality, much less its sanctioning by the bonds of holy matrimony.

Personally, I think gay people should be allowed to marry, if not in church, at least legally. In fact, I don’t think that the government should have anything to do with the term marriage. I think that only religious or other institutions should concern themselves with that term. My issue is what the government does because only the government affects all people in the U.S. and has the obligation to treat us all equally.

That said, the government should ONLY have the right to grant people the status of “civil union.” Any two consenting adults should be able to join in such a union and then reap the benefits, tax or otherwise, of this union. In this way, marriage and the government have nothing to do with one another and no one has to worry or be treated unequally. You want to be married? Let your priest do it and call it whatever you want.

Do you like this episode? What’d you think? What are your thoughts on gay marriage?

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In “The Death Camp of Tolerance” the South Park Boys Learn to Be Tolerant of Gays – Really Gays

In order to get fired and then sue the school board for tons of money for unlawful dismissal, Mr. Garrison introduces the class to Mr. Slave and proceeds to engage in incredibly lewd and inappropriate conduct with him in the classroom – including but certainly not limited to shoving Lemmiwinks, the class gerbil, up Mr. Slave’s ass.

The parents, believing that their children are intolerant of homosexuality – something they couldn’t care less about, just Mr. Garrison’s behavior – make their children go to the Museum of Tolerance. When that doesn’t work, it’s time for the Death Camp of Tolerance.

This episode introduces us to a number of stereotypes, emphasizing the fact that we are all different and should be accepted for our differences. At the same time, it points out two important issues surrounding the idea of tolerance. The first is the sometimes hypocritical nature of tolerance, which is to say that people are supposed to be accepted for differences they cannot help but when it comes to life choices – like smoking – we can be intolerant. This, South Park contends, is bullshit.

Additionally, the show asks us to question the limit of tolerance and think about where we draw the line. As Mr. Garrison says:

“This kind of behavior should not be acceptable from a teacher…[You should be] tolerant, but not stupid! Look, just because you have to tolerate something doesn’t mean you have to approve of it! If you had to like it, it’d be called the Museum of Acceptance! “Tolerate” means you’re just putting up with it! You tolerate a crying child sitting next to you on the airplane or, or you tolerate a bad cold. It can still piss you off! Jesus Tap-dancing Christ!”

Did you like this episode? What things are you intolerant of? Where do you draw the line? Have you ever shoved a gerbil up your ass?

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In “Proper Condom Use,” (507) South Park Has Mr. Garrison and Mr. Mackey Teaching Sex-Ed

In this episode Mr. Mackey teaches sex ed to the boys and Ms. Choksondick teaches it to the girls. Mr. Garrison, because it’s believed that younger and younger children should learn about proper condom use, teaches sexual education and proper condom use to the kindergartners. Basically, it’s a huge mess because none of these people should be talking about sex with children. Unfortunately the parents were too chicken to do it themselves. At the end of an episode that has seen total chaos and all out war between the sexes (terrified of pregnancy and disease), Chef says the following:

Well I hate to say it but you all got what you deserved. Look, schools are teaching condom use to younger and younger students each day, but sex isn’t something that should be taught in textbooks and diagrams. Sex is emotional and spiritual – it needs to be taught by family. I know it can be hard parents but if you leave it up to the schools to teach sex to kids you don’t know who they’re learning it from. It could be someone who doesn’t know, someone who has a bad opinion of it or even a complete pervert.”

After everyone agrees the boys ask Chef when the right time to start having sex is. He answers, 17. It’s as simple as that: 17. Good advice, I think.

Though I don’t think sex ed in schools is such a terrible thing and talking to parents about sex can be very awkward, I certainly support the importance of having an open dialogue between parents and their children about sex. It is difficult to know when the time is right to have the talk but starting to be honest at a young age – when they see sexual advertisements and images of sexual things in pop-culture around them – can be fine if you start simple. You need not describe the anatomical specifics of the Lotus position, but just share a little so that by the time the questions come and the big issues need to be discussed, there’s a foundation of openness and understanding.

Did you like this episode? Have you had to talk to your children about sex? Awkward? How did you do it?

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