Quran Read-A-Long: Al-’Imran 110-120 Warns About Relationships with Jews and Christians

The opening few verses here seem to indicate that we’ve returned to a familiar subject – the Jews and Christians (and in some cases more specifically the Jews) – and though it feels somewhat repetitive to me at this point, I have to remember that we are in a surah called Al-‘Imran, which is the House of Imran. That is to say that we’re talking about Mary’s family (the mother of Jesus) and therefore logically Christianity. I wonder about the degree to which words against and about the Jews fit into a surah with this title, and would be appreciative if anyone could shed some light on the larger place and naming of this surah.

Verses 113-115 address the issue that I discussed with such joy so long ago: those early verses of The Cow that explain how others can go to heaven and be rewarded in the afterlife regardless of their religion so long as they believe in the right things. After all of the condemnatory remarks found in this surah, it’s very nice to be reminded that faith in God is faith in God.

I’m very glad that Asad had something to say about verse 118 and clarified that it is accepted – particularly due to the presence of a verse that permits friendship with non-Muslims (whew!) – to befriend non-Muslims, despite the way this verse makes it sound. Those unlike you is not meant to say non-Muslims but rather those who oppose Islam or act in ways that are so contrary to Islam that friendship is all but impossible. That I can understand.

That said, making an effort to understand those who are so different from us (this us being an any us rather than a Muslim us) can have wonderful results, allowing mutual understanding and living in a way that was not believed possible before when it was thought that two people’s existences were so diametrically opposed. Again, though, I can also understand the need for a cautionary verse like this and don’t necessarily think that in early 7th century Arabia forging friendships for the sake of mutual understanding with those who sought to destroy the umma would have been a particularly savvy idea.

What can you add to these verses to help us understand their meaning? Any thoughts about the surah in general?

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Al-‘Imran 110-120

110. YOU ARE indeed the best community that has ever been brought forth for [the good of] mankind: you enjoin the doing of what is right and forbid the doing of what is wrong, and you believe in God. Now if the followers of earlier revelation had attained to [this kind of] faith, it would have been for their own good; [but only few] among them are believers, while most of them are iniquitous: 111. [but] these can never inflict more than a passing hurt on you; and if they fight against you, they will turn their backs upon you [in flight], and will not be succoured. 112. Overshadowed by ignominy are they wherever they may be, save [when they bind themselves again] in a bond with God and a bond with men; for they have earned the burden of God’s condemnation, and are overshadowed by humiliation: all this [has befallen them] because they persisted in denying the truth of God’s messages and in slaying the prophets against all right: all this, because they rebelled [against God], and persisted in transgressing the bounds of what is right. 113. [But] they are not all alike: among the followers of earlier revelation there are upright people, who recite God’s messages throughout the night, and prostrate themselves [before Him]. 114. They believe in God and the Last Day, and enjoin the doing of what is right and forbid the doing of what is wrong, and vie with one another in doing good works: and these are among the righteous. 115. And whatever good they do, they shall never be denied the reward thereof: for, God has full knowledge of those who are conscious of Him. 116. [But,] behold, as for those who are bent on denying the truth – neither their worldly possessions nor their children will in the least avail them against God: and it is they who are destined for the fire, therein to abide. 117. The parable of what they spend on the life of this world is that of an icy wind which smites the tilth of people who have sinned against themselves, and destroys it: for, it is not God who does them wrong, but it is they who are wronging themselves. 118. O YOU who have attained to faith! Do not take for your bosom-friends people who are not of your kind. They spare no effort to corrupt you; they would love to see you in distress.** Vehement hatred has already come into the open from out of their mouths, but what their hearts conceal is yet worse. We have indeed made the signs [thereof] clear unto you, if you would but use your reason. 119. Lo! It is you who [are prepared to] love them, but they will not love you, although you believe in all of the revelation. And when they meet you, they assert, “We believe [as you believe]”; but when they find themselves alone, they gnaw their fingers in rage against you. Say: “Perish in your rage! Behold, God has full knowledge of what is in the hearts [of men]!” 120. If good fortune comes to you, it grieves them; and if evil befalls you, they rejoice in it. But if you are patient in adversity and conscious of God, their guile cannot harm you at all: for, verily, God encompasses [with His might] all that they do.

Quran Read-A-Long: The Cow 232-235 Speaks of Child Support and Waiting After Divorce

Note

I would like to begin by noting that the translation provided below is that of Asad, who is often quoted by some of Quran Read-A-Long’s finest participants. I figure I should switch to his translation and see if that helps facilitate my understanding a little. I think that my copy of the Quran is very nice, but let’s mix it up a bit.

Child Support

Verse 233 seems to support precisely the modern notion of child-support. Not only is the woman allowed to continue to nurse her child for two years regardless of having divorced the child’s father (I’m guessing that the implication here is that the child belongs to the father, not the mother, when the parents part ways and so the woman has to be allowed to see the child), but the father must be able to provide for all the children he sires.

Today we try to hold fathers accountable for their children, but it can be hard to do so due to lack of funds for paternity tests or even being able to find those fathers. By making it part of the Quran, this obvious social necessity becomes linked to God, final judgment and the afterlife, thereby providing in most cases the necessary incentive for becoming responsible for one’s children. We’ve seen this already – making a necessary social action part of a holy text from God means that it is more likely to be obeyed.

Post-Marriage Behavior

Verse 234 releases the woman from her husband after an appropriate period of time, and I imagine this is referring to a sexual situation. Not intercourse, per se, but based on an earlier verse the waiting period between her divorce and being with another man seemed to be very practical – enough time to make sure she wasn’t pregnant with the original husband’s child. Are there other reasons for this particular period? So after this proper waiting time the woman can do what she wants pending that it’s legal. Does that include sexual intercourse? What is Islam’s policy on premarital sex when you’ve already been married once? What if you had divorced the man do to sexual disatisfaction? Wouldn’t it be prudent to investigate that situation a little more thoroughly before diving into another marriage? I imagine that what would be legal is discussions about marriage with another man. Is flirting acceptable? What about kissing (for each of these things I mean after the prescribed period)?

Interesting that this leads into a talk of what a man can do in this situation: appropriately insinuate his interest in a woman (if it’s long-term and marriage guided), but not anything blatant because that would be a violation of the period post-divorce. However, God knows what you intend. The interjection of God is appropriate here (not that it would be inappropriate anywhere in the Quran or in life!) but particularly because the verses are telling us to behave properly while being the appropriate judges of what is proprietous behavior. We can do that, the Quran tells us, so long as we keep God in mind as we act. Certainly, that is a rule of thumb for all behavior. Keep God in mind as you make decisions and choices and you should make the right ones. God knows what you’re thinking and will be merciful and forgiving.

Thanks for reading along! Can you answer any of my questions? Correct anything I said erroneously or just add anything helpful for me and other readers?

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The Cow 232-235

232. And when you divorce women, and they have come to the end of their waiting-term, hinder them not from marrying other men if they have agreed with each other in a fair manner. This is an admonition unto every one of you who believes in God and the Last Day; it is the most virtuous [way] for you, and the cleanest. And God knows, whereas you do not know. 233. And the [divorced] mothers may nurse their children for two whole years, if they wish to complete the period of nursing; and it is incumbent upon him who has begotten the child to provide in a fair manner for their sustenance and clothing. No human being shall be burdened with more than he is well able to bear: neither shall a mother be made to suffer because of her child, nor, because of his child, he who has begotten it. And the same duty rests upon the [father’s] heir. And if both [parents] decide, by mutual consent and counsel, upon separation [of mother and child], they will incur no sin [thereby]; and if you decide to entrust your children to foster-mothers, you will incur no sin provided you ensure, in a fair manner, the safety of the child which you are handing over. But remain conscious of God, and know that God sees all that you do. 234 And if any of you die and leave wives behind, they shall undergo, without remarrying,* a waiting period of four months and ten days; whereupon, when they have reached the end of their waiting-term, there shall be no sin in whatever they may do with their persons in a lawful manner. And God is aware of all that you do. 235 But you will incur no sin if you give a hint of [an intended] marriage-offer to [any of] these women, or if you conceive such an intention without making it obvious: [for] God knows that you intend to ask them in marriage.* Do not, however, plight your troth with them in secret, but speak only in a decent manner; and do not proceed with tying the marriage-knot ere the ordained [term of waiting] has come to its end. And know that God knows what is in your minds, and therefore remain conscious of Him; and know, too, that God is much-forgiving, forbearing.

Ike Broflovski is Taken to Saddam Hussein’s Canada in South Park Episode 715, “Christmas in Canada”

When Ike Broflovski’s birth-parents interrupt quiet, family Hanukah prayers and insist on taking Ike back to Canada by decree of the new Canadian Prime Minister, Sheila and Gerald Broflovski are devastated. Cartman tells Kyle that this is what he gets for being Jewish at Christmas time: some Jesus revenge. In a show of unprecedented good faith, the South Park townsfolk offer to forgo Christmas gift-giving and donate all of their money to the Broflovskis for legal fees to take their case to Canada.

Rather than lose Christmas, the boys decide to help Kyle go to Canada and confront the Canadian Prime Minister about taking Ike. The whole time they want to hurry back to South Park, though, so that they are sure not to miss out on any Christmas adventures. Funny, since they are traversing Canada by foot after their plane crashed and confronting all sorts of weird and wacky characters Wizard of Oz style (with Scott, the dickhead Canadian as the Wicked Witch).

As their plane is crashing (it’s piloted by the same guy who owns City Wok and is called City [Shitty] Airlines), the pilot tells them: “As you can see it appears that we are going down. Now would be a good time to reflect on your life and pray to whatever deity you believe in.”

At the end of the episode, Kyle speaks about the importance of family and who we love and explains to the Canadian Prime Minister – who turns out to be the escaped Saddam Hussein! – that, “Family isn’t about whose blood you have in you. Family’s about the people who cared about you and took care of you. We’re not the same blood, but I love my little brother. We’ve taken care of him because he needed us to, and that makes us more family than anything.”

Very touching and a lovely Christmas episode.

What do you think? What was your favorite part?

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In South Park Episode 313, “Hooked On Monkey Phonics,” Kyle Falls in Love with a Homeschooled Girl

After a spelling-bee that Kyle loses to a home-schooled kid, he gets a big crush on another home-schooled girl. The home-schooled children beg their parents to let them go to regular school and when they do, Kyle and the girl start ‘hanging out.’ He tells her:

“Love is the most important thing on earth. When boys and girls feel love, they kiss.”

The girl’s father can’t believe that he’s losing his little girl and goes to the other parents to complain. Randy replies:

“We can’t completely control what our kids do socially. That’s, you know, that’s for them to figure out on their own.”

It’s an episode filled with good lines and great lessons about love and parenting. Enjoy more quotes about love and parenting.

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Zen Talk: Actions Speak Louder Than Words, Don’t Ya Know

“Like a beautiful flower that is colorful but has no fragrance, even well-spoken words bear no fruit in one who does not put them into practice.”

These beautiful words of the Buddha echo the truism with which most of us are familiar: actions speak louder than words. Do you think that’s true?

I often find myself defending principles that I hold dear, only to realize that if I don’t show people exactly what I mean by my actions, then the words gushing forth from my mouth were worthless.

This quote reminds me of the difference between saying that you love someone and showing that person that he or she is loved. It’s easy to let the words cross your lips, especially to insist that they true – yet it is far more difficult to show day in and day out that everything you do you do for that person because of your love. The fragrance must be there – not just pretty colors.

As an aside, this flower quote was particularly fitting since I went to the botanical gardens and the flower conservatory twice this week. Beautiful places.

What do you think of this Buddha quote? Can you share a time that you knew  your words were worthless if not supported by actions?

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Love is in the Air in “Clubhouses,” South Park Episode 212, When the Boys Go For It in Truth or Dare

Though the over-arching plot of this episode is about Stan and Kyle competing against Cartman and Kenny for who can build a clubhouse faster, get girls up there and play truth or dare, there is an important sub-plot as well: Stan’s parents getting a divorce.

Stan has no idea what’s going on and why his parents are getting divorced. When he asks his dad whether or not, because he hates Shelley, he can divorce his sister, his father tells him no because they’re family.

Stan replies:

“But you and Mom are family; how come you can just split up? You know what I think? I think that when you and Mom got married, you became family. And now that you are, you shouldn’t be able to leave her anymore than I can leave my sister.”

Later he says, “Divorce is stupid!”

Poor Stan. Though of course we can understand his sentiments, there are good reasons for people to get divorced – probably more good reasons than getting married, and maybe people should have thought of that in the first place. Say no to marriage! Vote yes on prop 12!

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Zen Talk: Buddha Speaks of Small Good Being Good Enough

“Do not underestimate good, thinking it will not affect you. Dripping water can even fill a pitcher drop by drop; one who is wise is filled with good, even if one accumulates it little by little.”

This saying of the Buddha, found in the Dhammapada, causes me pause. I hope that its simplicity holds meaning for you as well.

Every good action matters. No good deed is too small. Many people want to save the world or change it for the better or be all they can be – but they want these things in one felll swoop. Little by little is a successful method. As the turtle taught us, slow and steady wins the race.

Don’t underestimate the importance of every good action, even the smallest, because every little bit helps. Perhaps we can all try to make it a goal for the day. Maybe even a once a day goal? I’m not suggesting that you drop your change into a homeless man’s tin. If you want, give him your leftovers or something. Try picking up a piece of trash. Do something nice for someone around you. Pass a smile onto a sad person. There are so many different kinds of good things to be done. Try to do one thing today – whatever comes to your mind. I will too. Tomorrow, perhaps we can try the same.

As the Buddha has told us, every good thing – no matter how seemingly small – can help to fill a much larger vessel.

What will you choose to do? What do you think of the Buddha’s words?

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Interview with Psychologist and Author, Marlene Winell, about Recovering from Religion

Today we’re going to speak with Marlene Winell, psychologist, author and educator. Marlene has spent her life trying to help people recover from lives that have been torn asunder by religion and religious indoctrination. She has made it her mission to help people feel better about themselves, and their choices and to begin living their lives again.

Marlene runs retreats, one of which is actually happening this weekend. You can read about her and her work on her website by clicking HERE. If you or anyone you know could benefit from speaking with her, please don’t hesitate to contact her. For now, please enjoy this interview with her about her book, work and experiences helping people recover from religion.

What got you interested in the work you do?

I find people fascinating and it is very rewarding to be of help. I come from a missionary background so it is natural to be in a helping profession, but this is very different because I assist people in developing their own resources from within, not an external source.

Please tell me about your book, Leaving the Fold.

My book is Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion. It’s the only self-help book for recovering from harmful, restrictive religion. My own story is one chapter. The first half names and describes the important issues in recovery, along with many examples from my interviewees and clients. The second half is about concrete steps for recovery with exercises to do.

How about a word about your retreats?

“Release and Reclaim” retreats are small group experiences where we spend a weekend together telling our stories, getting support, and doing healing activities together. It’s a powerful experience because you are with real people who understand. Past participants have described it as a big turning point in their recovery.

Who are they designed for?

People who have decided to leave their religion and need some help and support.

How often do you have them?

For the last 3 years, it’s been twice a year, but I’d like to do more, particularly in other areas of the country.   I could use some help organizing them.

What do you hope to accomplish at the retreats?

“Release and Reclaim” refers to letting go of old, toxic beliefs and systems and then reclaiming one’s life and one’s self. The biggest area of healing is overcoming the fear that has been conditioned at a deep level.  People then learn to trust themselves again and reconstruct their lives based on their own inner wisdom instead of external authority.

What kinds of techniques do you use to accomplish these goals?

We use discussion, writing, guided imagery, art, movement, and group exercises such as psychodrama. It’s a combination of both intellectual and emotional methods.

What kinds of religions are people when they come to you?

Mostly Bible-based groups – Christian fundamentalists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons, Seventh-Day-Adventists. . . but also Eastern religious cults. The key is an authoritarian mindset.

What are their largest issues with their religions?

They have grown to realize that their religion has it wrong – intellectually, emotionally, morally, socially – and that it is possible to give it up and move on, despite the fear. Many have been hurt in some way.

Are they generally still embedded in their religions when they come to you or have they already left their religion and are now lost and in need of guidance?

They have already left but they haven’t worked through all the issues and some are afraid of letting go entirely. The phobia indoctrination is very powerful, which is why the group dynamic is also so helpful. I have a beginning retreat and more advanced retreats. At the first one, people are often pretty terrified; they need to tell their story and get support for their new insights about what was wrong. Later on, the groups are helpful for people reconstructing their lives with confidence and self-love. We also have participants who have been out of their religion for quite a while but have deep-seated “left-overs” they want to address.

What are your personal thoughts about religion?

I think people do need to have a framework of values and beliefs to use in approaching life, but it does not have to be a religion.  An organized religion with rigid dogma is not good because it robs the individual of the responsibility (and the privilege) of critical thinking and forming one’s own conclusions.

Despite the difficulties you see that people experience with religion, do you believe that religion has certain benefits or a certain value? If so, what are those/is that?

A group which provides community and a place for shared values that serve human needs in a tolerant, inclusive manner can be a good thing. Churches that emphasize the more humanitarian teachings of Jesus rather than his death on the cross provide better guidelines for how to actually live. But belonging to any group should always be done responsibly, i.e., never give away your right to think and feel for yourself.

What do you do for people after the weekend retreat is over to help them maintain what they’ve learned?

We have a confidential online support group with monthly conference calls. People also make friends at the retreats and stay in touch on their own.

Do people ever lapse back into old religious patterns or is this generally a turning point in their lives?

We have never had anyone return to their same religion. Some have retained a personal spirituality or belief in God but on their own terms, which I encourage. I have an article about this.

The retreat is most definitely a turning point for many people. I have followed up with past participants, many of whom have told me this. One man who traveled here from New York had been isolating himself in his apartment, overwhelmed with guilt and fear, never venturing out except to go to work. He was terrified when he arrived at the retreat and very quiet at first, afraid to tell his story. Then with the warmth and acceptance of the group, he shared and participated. On the last day, he gave everybody big hugs, and left smiling. About two months later, I spoke with him and he said the burden of his abusive religious past had lifted thanks to the retreat. He had new friends, was going out, and was also back into playing music he loved. Returning to his religion was simply not an option and he felt free for the first time.

A woman who came to the retreat was leading an outwardly successful life with career and family but had secret fears about the “Rapture” that would shake her up despite being irrational. The retreat helped her let go and even laugh about the idea for the first time. Two years later, we talked and she said the retreat was a turning point for her – she had had no more anxiety attacks.

What do you think is most important about the work you do?

I provide a safe, therapeutic place where it is okay to question religion first of all. In terms of healing and growth, my approach is to empower people, and I think I have found good ways of doing that!

What advice would you give to people who are struggling with their religions but who are unable to attend your retreats or work with you?

Don’t be afraid. Read everything you can. Trust yourself for a change and don’t believe the self-serving lines you have heard from your religious group about how sinful and dangerous it is to question. Get support of some kind. On-line forums can be good – stay away from the ones where religious people try to shame you. Take baby steps into the larger world and find out what’s going on and how other people are approaching life. Try new things in small ways and learn to enjoy life here and now. Congratulate yourself often for your courage.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Working with me may not be as hard as it seems. I talk with people on the phone a lot, and it works well.  We can make the cost affordable. The retreats also have affordable options, so don’t rule it out. The investment is worth it considering the time, effort, and money it can take to get therapy, or the loss of living fully if you don’t get better. I’m open to traveling if someone wants to organize a retreat in their area too.

That was wonderful, Marlene! Thank you.

If you’d like to read past interviews with ex-cult members, please click HERE and HERE. If you have any questions for Marlene, please feel free to ask them in the comments or contact her directly with more personal matters.

Isaac Hayes, Who Voiced the South Park Character, Chef, Dies at Age 65

In 1997, Isaac Hayes become the voice of Chef, the large, sexed-up, black cafeteria chef at South Park Elementary, who was the only adult that Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman could consistently trust. He was wonderful, lovable, and in classic Isaac Hayes fashion, broke into song all the time. No South Park viewer could but love Chef, and appreciate Hayes’ wonderful contribution to this timeless and fantastic show about American culture.

Unfortunately, Chef was not a part of South Park to the end of his life, as his character was killed in the first episode of the tenth season, titled “The Return of Chef” (1001). It was, to be sure, a controversial move, but nothing other than controversy surrounded his departure from the show.

At the end of the 9th season South Park did an episode about Scientology, lambasting the religion thoroughly and making it and some of its celebrity members, namely Tom Cruise, look rather stupid. Isaac Hayes took issues with Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s portrayal of his religion – yes, Hayes was a Scientologist – insisting that they just didn’t understand. Moreover, he told them that it wasn’t right to make fun of his religion that way, though they noted that he had no trouble making fun of nearly everyone else’s religions in other episodes.

Hayes left during the season break and later, Parker and Stone received a letter that he was resigning permanently. Mystery surrounds this letter because it is unclear who wrote it. It is believed that Hayes was in a coma when the letter was sent, suggesting that he had no hand in it at all. Others contend that he was coerced into writing the letter, and of course there is always the possibility that he wrote it himself. If this last option, it is unlikely that he was not goaded by fellow Scientologists to do so.

This situation soured me towards Isaac Hayes because I found his character on the show to be incredibly important – and also quite funny. Nonetheless, what happened happened and in a spectacular episode about Chef’s leaving South Park for a fruity little club (a metaphor for Scientology), the character was killed off and Isaac Hayes never returned to South Park again.

Now, he’s dead for real. I hope that the final 2 years of his life were fulfilling and enjoyable. I’m sorry that he departed from South Park on such an unfortunate note. Perhaps, considering my thoughts, I should try to bear Kyle’s eulogy in mind from Chef’s funeral at the end of the episode:

“We’re all here today because Chef has been such an important part of our lives. A lot of us don’t agree with the choices Chef has made in the past few days. Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can’t let the events of the last week take away the memories of how much Chef made us smile. I’m gonna remember Chef as the jolly old guy who always broke into song. I’m gonna remember Chef as the guy who gave us advice to live by. So you see, we shouldn’t be mad at Chef for leaving us. We should be mad at that little fruity club for scrambling his brains. And in the end, I know that somewhere out there, there’s the good part of Chef that’s still alive in us all.”

Here’s to you Isaac Hayes.

On a similarly unfortunate note, Bernie Mac has also died at the age of 50.

What was your favorite Chef moment? What will you remember Isaac Hayes for?

To read about the group Anonymous and their global protest against Scientology, click HERE.

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Happiest Day of the Year

An equation that measures happiness has allowed a mathematician to determine that today is the happiest day of the year, due in part to the length of evenings, proportion of outdoor activities and nice weather, and the first day of summer and its association with positive childhood memories. Well, personally, I’m always pretty happy. I have a sweet life, a great woman and a working brain. What more could anyone want? Is this the apex of my happiness, though? Will there be a downswing from here?

Somehow, I doubt it.

Happiness, though I firmly believe it can be affected by the weather, is not determined by the day of the year, even when a meeting of these factors is in effect. It makes sense why it’s a happy day, just like it makes sense that January 15th is the most depressed day of the year. However, considering the general things that are contributing to the average person’s woes: the state of the economy, the price of gas and food, the political climate, America’s international standing, the job market (or lack thereof), etc., I doubt that most people will stand up today and declare, “You know, this is the happiest I’ve been in a while.”

And you know what? That’s a shame.

Should their happiness and its concomitant declaration have anything to do with today’s date? No. But it should have to do with positive attitudes (lame sounding, I know) and the desire every day to be happier than the day before. Make an effort to be happier. Do something that makes you happy. Life is too short to be unhappy. My life only got consistently happy when I decided that that was a lot better than not being happy and that with a little effort – and being grateful for what I had, gratitude is key – I could walk around happily all the time.

An even better approach: try to make someone else happy today. Do something nice for someone in your life. Make your significant other chocolate covered strawberries. Buy someone a drink – maybe someone you don’t even know (and who you’re not hitting on). Help someone with his or her groceries. This isn’t about that pay-it-forward crap (though I do like that), but about making a collective effort to make other people happier – or at least a little more satisfied. Let’s remind people that the human decency is still left in us all.

Today, we’re all going to make a little more effort to be happy and make others happy and not rely on the factors coalescing on this day of the year. Let’s try it every day and see how things go, hmm.

What did you do for someone else today? Did it make you feel good? What will you do tomorrow? Any suggestions for making people happier?